Once again, I find myself marvelling over how quickly time goes by. It’s just insane to me that it’s been nearly an entire year since William proposed to me and we became engaged. When I thought about May 2020 all those months ago, I thought we had so much time in front of us; and here we are with five months to go!
The wedding anxiety has increased tenfold. I am having constant dreams about things going wrong on the day. One last night inspired this post: no one was on time, the makeup artist insisted on doing piles of washing up and wouldn’t start until it was finished. I turned up at the venue hours too late – with my hair in some kind of backcombed rat tail – to find everyone drunk and shouting at each other. Worst of all, Will was nowhere to be found.
Dreams that the stones fall out of my engagement ring happen on a weekly basis. I haven’t Googled what it means because I’m sure it’s some kind of terrible omen.
I DID Google however, wedding anxiety in general. It seems it’s entirely normal.
“It’s your day”
Planning a wedding is one of the most stressful things ever, even if everything goes to plan and everyone is cordial. It’s a huge event and one you will remember for the rest of your life; if that’s not pressure, I don’t know what is.
It’s so simple for people to say, “it’s your day, do what makes you happy”, and “if anything goes wrong, it won’t matter” – it matters to me though! I’ve always had a problem with worrying about what other people think and getting married seems to have exacerbated that rather than eased it.
Will still doesn’t give one shit as usual, I really wish I could take a leaf from his book sometimes.
Here’s what I’ve learned so far on our wedding planning journey.
It’s okay to dislike some parts of planning
Being engaged is incredible and I often still marvel at that fact. Planning a wedding can also too be a joy. However, some parts of planning, especially bits involving other people and negotiating with vendors can be filled with stress and sometimes heartache. I remember feeling so guilty about my wedding anxiety, when things like sorting out the entertainment filled me with dread. Sometimes when a supplier let me down, or I realised something was too expensive, I felt anger and frustration. I thought I should always be this relaxed, serene person. I mean I’m a bride-to-BE for god’s sake. But it’s not realistic. It was much easier when I admitted to myself that I didn’t have to be happy 24/7.
Control freak I am, I have got the mother of all spreadsheets for this wedding. With Will’s input, I tried to plan pretty much every aspect of the wedding myself. Again, over time, I realised that I could loosen my grip on certain things, especially bits I am rubbish at, like décor. Not my bag – but Will’s mum and aunt are great at that! Trust, people will be falling over to be involved and help you – choose wisely and it will give you some breathing space.
Don’t be pushed into things
I know I literally just told you to say yes – BUT. Don’t be corralled into having something or doing something that you wouldn’t have chosen. I have been suggested so many things that I have smiled politely about, whilst internally screaming. If you get to the day of your wedding, look around and don’t think of it as ‘yours’, then you may be disappointed.
Y’all know I love a list! You can print off ‘wedding checklist’ lists from the net, and although they are broken down into months, I found them really overwhelming and hard to cope with. I started making monthly lists with wedding goals and a deadline to be completed by the end of that month. Sometimes they weren’t even big things – one month I had on there to look at some websites with Will for his wedding suit. That way, when the time comes to actually get one, we already know what kind of style and price we’re looking for. Bitesize, easy-to-digest. Winner.
If I have any advice for brides-to-be, it’s honestly just to anticipate your wedding anxiety and learn to let things go if they don’t work out – you’ve got plenty of time. Enjoy!
More wedding bits here.