10 Things I Can Totally Handle

imagesWell, I’ve told you the ten things I can’t handle; now it’s time for a mind-cleanse. Here are ten things I certainly can handle, and want more of in my life. Let me know if you agree with me.

I’m sorry, this list wont be a stereotypical ‘I love walks in the park’, or ‘I love a beautiful sunset’, because yeahyeahyeah we get it, alright?

1. Walking/driving to work and having all the traffic lights on green
Winning.

2. That feeling when you begin to drink a cold drink when you’re completely hungover
The wine-fog begins to clear…

3. Being really proud of something
It’s okay to give yourself credit. No need to be smug about it though, show-off.

4. A good internet joke
Yeah okay, most of them are really cringe, but it’s nice to be in the know.

5. That feeling when you just ‘click’ with someone
Man or woman, old or young, green or blue.

6. Sweets
I’m talking fizzy strawberry laces, Toxic Waste, PushPops, those pink/blue fizzy bottles, liquorice, that ‘gunpowder’ sour gum stuff…

7. Knowing that you love and are loved
Cringe. You know what I mean though.

8. Straws
I love a good straw. Colourful ones, bendy ones, eco ones, the ones you used to get on holiday with the sparkly ribbon…

9. Sleeping in
Knowing that you’ve got absolutely nothing to do that day.

10. Making lists
I’ve been known to make a list of the things I need to make a list for.

There’s so many more, but I’d be here all day.

Hope you enjoyed x

10 Things I Just Can’t Handle

We all have things that we just don’t like. Stuff that really ‘sets your teeth on edge’. Things that make you twitch or your skin crawl. Most people share a common bond over 139009759386certain things, for example: nails down a chalkboard, spiders, Piers Morgan etc. That’s just standard. But as it goes, everyone is different – each person has their own set of things that they just can’t handle. Here’s my list of things what are well grim, mate.

1. Soggy bread
Just the thought of this make me feel sick. Can’t eat a sandwich with tomato in it, in case the bread is soggy. Can’t watch kids feeding the ducks on the river because the idea of the bread in the water makes me retch. Can’t even eat bloody trifle – and we all know that I’m not one to miss out on a drink.

2. Anything remotely ‘flappy’
Birds, moths, flies…anything that moves quickly and has wings I just can’t be doing with.

3. Blisters
*shudder*

4. The stuff in the sink catcher-thingy when you’ve washed up
It’s food. The stuff you’ve already eaten. It was clean when you ate it and now it’s further sanitised with hot water and soap. But no. Grim. I’d rather ruin my drains and just wash everything down.

5. An untidy/unclean house
Things have a place and everything must be in order. No, I’m not claiming OCD. I just can’t. stand. it.

6. Frosted glass
A weird one. When I touch it, or even think about touching it, I simultaneously “feel” it scraping against my teeth. Told you it was weird.

7. Peanuts/peanut butter/peanut anything
My brother used to chase me round the house with peanuts to make me retch. Seriously. Vom.

8. Holes
This is another weird one. I thought I was mental until I looked it up and realised it was a real thing. It’s like I can’t look at a group of holes, like a sponge or something. It makes my stomach turn over! I remember when I first got this feeling, after seeing this image in a book at primary school (totally disgusting). Google ‘trypophobia’, see if you get what I mean.

9. Spit
Looking back at my time in the hospitality industry, I have definitely cleaned up every single bodily fluid you can think of. No, really. All of them. Give me a kebab-beer-filled vom or a ‘nearly-made-it’ any day. Ask me to clean up that gob and I’ll run away.

10. The bottom of any hot beverage
Doesn’t matter if you make it in front of me, how lovely it is – I won’t drink that last 1/2 inch at the bottom. I think I remember where this stemmed from. I finished a friend’s hot chocolate when I was younger and she’d been dipping biscuits in it, so the bottom of it was some kind of choco soggy slush. I can feel my gag reflex going now.

Right, that’s it. I don’t know why I started this, I feel all twitchy!

Now tell me yours.

I’ll follow this up with a sunny ‘Things I Love’, by way of apology for any typos because I sure as hell am not proofreading this.

Happy twitchy nightmares x

 

What would you do with a million pounds?

We’d all like a bit more money.

Imagine being able to go down the pub and buy all your mates a round without sweating over it, or being able to pay your rent and then not having to rely on 11p noodles from Asda for the month, but actually being able to splash out and get some 29p pasta shapes instead. Cor blimey, let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Image

No but seriously. Imagine if you suddenly came into some money, say…a million pounds worth? What would you do with it?

Most of us like to think of ourselves as kind, merciful, generous human beings – according to the study Measuring Morality by Duke University, of which 1,519 people were surveyed. This might explain why when asked, many people talk about giving money to family, friends, and charities before talking about what they would spend money on for themselves. Aren’t we a kind lot.

Will kick dog for ca$$$h

They also went on and made the study a bit weird and violent.

Apparently, seven in eight of us wouldn’t kick a dog in the head for anything under a million. That does mean though, that eight out of eight potentially would do it if they were offered a million! Soz, Rover.

Also, by doing this study they also found out that 1% of people surveyed would kick a dog in the head for free.

After doing a bit of research on the net, it turns out that a lot of people dream about what they’d do if they had a shit ton of money.

Spend or splurge?

I’ve asked a few people myself and have put their responses below:

“After the government took out taxes, I’d use the rest by taking my family out for a Happy Meal at McDonalds.” – Robert

“Get on a plane with my boyfriend and worry about everything else later.” – Emily

“Pay my mortgage, pay my parents’ mortgage, give my sister a deposit for a house, buy ‘buy to let’ property. Go on holiday. Buy gold. Spent.” – Neil

“I’d save half, and give the other half to charity.” – Alice

“The only things certain in life are death and taxes. I spend the bloody lot!” – Steve

Or you could do what Andy would do:

Personally, aside from being able to afford 9090909.09 packets of Smartprice noodles, I’d take my mum away to a spa somewhere for a couple of weeks, drink myself silly, come back and buy everyone nice presents, pay off my debt – and save the rest.

What do you reckon? What would you do with one million pounds sterling?

Dream away and leave your comments below.

Why Do I Love True Crime?

My partner and I have an ongoing disagreement over my obsession with true crime documentaries and books. I can’t count the amount of times he’s given me a ‘look’ after hearing, once again,  the dramatic voiceover of the latest real murder documentary I’m watching. Or a sly: “Oh, are you reading another death book?”.

I get it. It’s morbid. Why would I immerse myself in someone else’s misery? Why don’t I read a nice chick-lit, or even just a good classic?

Since I’ve had my Kindle, I’ve been able to gain access to a huge amount of different genre of book. I’ve found I enjoy memoirs and true accounts most of all, so true crime was an easy transition to make.

I’ve read dozens of true crime and true account books, as well as multiple documentaries. A lot of these are well known crimes like The Soham Murders, Jaycee Lee Dugard and the mystery of the murder of JonBenet Ramsey. Others are less well-known – a serial killer in a tiny American town, or a poor Nigerian girl forced into a marriage with an older man. I find all equally fascinating, but am always aware that I am not ‘enjoying’ reading about horrific acts that have happened to others.

According to author Gary Provost (1991) the essence of true crime is ‘…normal people, who commit abnormal acts’ and readers of the genre constantly question their own potential for such behaviour.

This is something that makes perfect sense to me. Many times have I pondered over someone’s character after reading/watching their horrific act. Did they know they were going to commit that crime? At what point did they lose it? Could I ever, in a million years, get so messed up that I’d feel like stabbing someone? Or kidnapping a child?

Researchers conducted studies to try to determine why women are attracted to true crime.  Their conclusion was that women are drawn to true crime books out of their own fears of becoming a victim of violent crime.

According to the researchers, women are drawn to true crime books for these reasons:

  •  To learn how to prevent becoming a victim
  • To learn how to survive being a victim.
  • To learn warning signs to watch for.
  • To learn escape tips and survival strategies.

In 2012, crime lecturer Judith Yates compared reading true crime books to riding a roller coaster, suggesting that we find both experiences equally titillating and thrilling, albeit slightly scary. She concluded: ‘Crime is real, guttural, and nasty – but perfectly safe when you are curled up in a chair reading’.

It’s the age old misconception of ‘that will never happen to me’. Have I been reading these books and watching these programs, densensitised? Focusing on the hard-hitting story but forgetting about the people, real people who were affected. Someone’s mother, daughter, father, son. If something happened to me or my family, I’m not sure I’d want to be on someone’s reading list for the reader  to plow through before moving onto the next exciting murder mystery.

 

 

murder

 

See more at: http://www.thehistorypress.co.uk/index.php/updates/Why-do-people-enjoy-reading-true-crime-books/#sthash.YHpvBZkq.dpuf

http://crime.about.com/od/women/a/women_books.htm

On What Ella Has Learned

Since I left the horror and embarrassment of high school behind; left my mum, my home, and began an independent life, I’ve learned an awful lot. A hell of a lot.

I think back to the girl who was dropped off in a new town on 19th September 2009, shake my head and wonder how I’ve got this far. As well as learning how to make an appointment at the doctors (yes mum, really), and how to do a delicate wash on my washing machine, I’ve learned a range of ‘life’ skills.

Don’t get me wrong – although this advice comes from me, don’t think that I follow it all to a T 24/7. I lose my mind sometimes, have a meltdown, scream and shout, and eat an entire large Texas BBQ Domino’s pizza in one sitting (2,300+ calories if you wondered…).The best way I find to follow my own advice is to take a deep breath and remind myself of the person I want to be. I’d say I follow my own advice 80% of the time, but sometimes the calling for a hot, greasy pizza is too damn strong.

Here goes:

1.     Calm yourself.

Losing my s*** before the s*** even hits the fan is something I still struggle with, but I know that it is pointless. Don’t worry if there is not a problem. Have the foresight to spot potential issues, but having a fit as if the issue is happening RIGHTNOWTHISINSTANTOMFG doesn’t help a jot. Chill, Winston.

2. It’s okay to cry.

But don’t let the person who has upset you see you cry. I’m talking rude work colleagues, bitchy girls, and people that seemingly go out of their way to ruin someone’s day. They do exist; trust me. Many a toilet cubicle has been rushed to before Niagara Falls erupts from my eyes. In theory, seeing you cry should make the person who made you cry question their actions, and wonder what the hell kind of nasty person they are, and what they’re doing with their life. In reality, I feel, it gives them a kind of ‘one-upmanship’, that you couldn’t handle it; you’re weak. Release the waterfall in private, and be satisfied that they don’t know they cracked you. Also, carry concealer.

 3.     Everything is okay in moderation.

 A bit contradictory, considering my Domino’s confession. But seriously. All things are okay if you know your limits. Eating, drinking, maybe even smoking. A girl once laughed at me and made me feel small, as I had no carbs on my plate at Thanksgiving dinner (you know who you are). I wasn’t trying to be all pretentious, ‘no carbs, you seen this body giiiiirl?’ I’d had toast for breakfast, and pizza for lunch. So ha.

4.     Always take your make-up off before bed.

Just do it.

5. If in doubt, pamper.

My close friends will agree. Nothing can make you feel better than just taking an hour out, and pampering yourself. Whether it’s doing your nails, busting out the fake tan, or even just taking a bath, you’re guaranteed to feel just that little bit brighter.

6. Drink water, and always carry some with you.

We insist on these huge bags to lug about, we may as well fill them with goodness. Drinking water regularly is something I’ve only figured out in the last year or so. It just makes you feel good.

 7. Doing a ridiculous dance in your room can make everything okay for a good while.

Mine is Kate Bush, ‘Wuthering Heights’. I’m serious. It’s energetic as well as elegant and floaty, and it’s something that I’d never re-enact in front of another person. After I do it, I always pray I’m not in some kind of Ella-Truman Show

8. Lose the ‘tude, dude.

I generally try to surround myself with kind, polite people. And I try to be polite 100% of the time. However, working in a restaurant really opened my eyes to how rude some people are. And I’m not even talking just customers. Remember the people from tip #2 who seemingly go out of their way to ruin peoples days? Being polite, I feel, takes no effort at all. As soon as you’re rude to me, you go on my list of blacklisted RUDIES, and unless you convince me otherwise, you’re not getting off it. Be nice.

9.     Stand up for others, and most importantly, yourself.

I never used to. I’d sit and stew in my bad luck, and get angrier at the situation. A situation I could have taken control of, had I stood my ground and said “Hey, you’re in the wrong here, not me/them” or “You were rude to me/that person and I don’t think that’s particularly fair”. The issue here is confidence. It takes a lot to go up to some lofty manager or silly self-righteous prat (interchangeable?), and tell them that they are wrong. Remember to form your argument. You can stand up for yourself firmly, without being rude or unprofessional.

10.  Speak clearly and confidently.

This could potentially lead on from the previous point. There’s nothing worse than trying to write down an order from someone who wants a ‘sfmmfmffuffleplease’. Gosh, I’m a waitress, not your favourite film star. I’m not important, but I am if you want your food correct. Speaking clearly and with confidence is advantageous at all times, just be sure to not confuse confidence with arrogance.

11. Never hit someone.

Be the bigger person. Even if they hit you, walk away. Report it, do whatever: just don’t sink to their level. Yes, they’ll call you a coward. But using verbal judo against someone is a lot more effective than blacking their eye. They’re clearly just too caveman to think that deeply.

12.  Leave at least ten minutes before you need to.

You’ll be on time for being on time. Touchdown.

13. Don’t take things so personally.

This is a big one for me. The slightest comment used to have me running for the nearest toilet to wipe my tears before someone saw how weak I was. I had a fat comment the other day. Seriously: “Oh don’t worry. Loads of people are fatter than you.”

Double-edged sword or what? Before, that would twist and turn in my consciousness until I felt nauseous, and have me ballooning myself up in my mind until no WAY, no way I can fit into my size 10 party dress tonight. Yeah, size 10. Someone once convinced me that my size 10 butt was obese. This time, I thought: wow lady, you’ve tried to knock my confidence. Fine. At least I have boobs. I’m a boobilcious whale next to your rakey-rakeyness. It’s immature, but it works. Say it in in your head though – remember the whole politeness thing?

14.  Take something with you to parties.

 Anything, just don’t show up empty-handed. Usually, booze and food are preferable. I took a jelly to a party the other day. It was lame but the only thing I had to hand. But then I was the girl who brought dessert.

15.  Do more things alone.

I used to have this thing where I felt embarrassed to do things alone. Shopping, swimming, or even going to the library alone to study. Now, I would think nothing of going to a restaurant to ask for a table for one. It boosts your confidence like no one’s business. 

16.  Cheat the system, not people.

I’ve lost count of the people I’ve met who I just know would think nothing of stepping all over me in their sharp pointy heels on their way to the top. At university, I had this great article about counterfeit alcohol I was in the process of writing. Unfortunately it never came to fruition in the time I had. A few weeks later, a girl had shamelessly stolen my whole goddamn idea start to finish (you also know who you are). If she’d asked, I may have given her my blessing on the story, maybe even given her a few tips. But, it was MY idea, and now someone else has taken the credit. This was at a time when my confidence was lower, so unfortunately I didn’t stand up for myself. It still burns me today, but I feel saying something now seems petty – what do you think?

My point is, take shortcuts, by all means. We all want the best. Just make sure you’re not cutting anyone down in the process.

17. Record your life.

It’s a great way to look back on the way things were. Granted, I squirm with embarrassment at some of my old diaries, but it happened, and I wrote it down.

Create a blog. Vlog on Youtube. Twitter, Instagram, hell, even Facebook. These are all great ways to remind yourself of your former self. You’ll thank yourself one day.

Don’t forget though, there’s always room for improvement.

If you got this far, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

E x