My week in GIFs

I do love my job, but I’m not ashamed to say that I live for the weekend. I also bloody love a GIF. Is it pronounced GIF or JIF? GIF…yeah, I thought so.

Here’s my standard week in GIF format.

MONDAY

TUESDAY

WEDNESDAY

THURSDAY

FRIDAY 

SATURDAY

SUNDAY MORNING

SUNDAY NIGHT

Literal life, yo.

5 things you find out on joining the gym

I joined the gym recently after years of avoiding it and thinking that hopping around the living room doing YouTube workouts was enough. I just turned 26 – and my naturally fairly lean body is starting to betray my horrendous habits of basically living off carbs and wine. It was time.

Truth be told, I was super nervous about going to the gym! I thought everyone would know that I was a total fitness n00b (which I am) and that I don’t know what I’m doing (which I don’t). My impending mid-late twenties pushed me over the edge though, and I signed up. And went. That was pretty much the hardest part – everything else just kind of gets normal after a while.

Here are my first impressions and tips on first joining the gym. I would really recommend it. I honestly thought I’d hate it and scoffed at people who work out on a hangover, or go to gym on a Saturday. I am now one of those people!

Choosing your outfit
Ooh honey, gone are the days of polyester shorts and P.E. pumps. It’s practically a fashion show at my gym. I thought long and hard about whether my lycra shorts I usually wear for pole were too much. Nope! I never thought I’d be one of those people who care about bloody activewear for fuck’s sake, but I’m finding I’m perusing Sweaty Betty and Lululemon more than Boohoo and Missguided at the moment! Although, wear whatever the hell you want. You’re there to impress yourself, not others.

What the fuck does that do?
Literally no idea what half the stuff does in the gym. There’s about 1,000 buttons to press, things to clip to other things, and who knew there was about 40 different types of weight shapes? Not me. Get yourself on a quick induction programme to be told how to use the equipment effectively (and safely!). Save yourself from being this woman.

Who are all these people?
Amongst the normals, i.e. me, there are some people there who are the equivalent to spotting a zebra in Ealing Broadway. Gym lore! I’ve heard about these types and was so pleased to find out they do actually exist!

Muscle Man – he looks like the ‘after’ photo for a protein supplement, with inSANE body-builder muscles that only he, and the girls on Love Island actually find attractive. He’s probably on Tinder.

Lipstick Lauren – oh man this girl! Her clothes say gym, but her face says nightclub. Often seen doing bicep curls with a cute weight, one hand on hip and facing a mirror, you know that her Insta is going to be full of ‘#sweaty’ sports bra pictures 2.5 seconds after leaving.

Grunty McGrunterson – we get it. You’re working hard. Like Maria Sharapova on the tennis court, Grunty makes himself heard with every rep. People looking over just makes him grunt louder. He also throws his weights on the floor afterwards and doesn’t put them back. Naughty.

Texter – a close relative of Lipstick Lauren, she spends an hour on the treadmill walking at 2.5mph. It’s too hard to navigate the touchscreen once your heart rate goes up.

Nude party fun
Lots of naked people about! Usually ones of your sex, but still. Get used to it ma man.

It’s harder than it looks…but it feels great
The first thing I was told on joining was to ‘make sure you push yourself every time’. So I have been. It’s not fun or pretty and I’ve definitely been on the verge of fainting after asking a girl if I could have a copy of this sick abs/cardio workout she was doing. Wish I hadn’t. But I’m glad I did. I never believed that you could feel good after – but for some reason you do. Sometimes there’s nothing more I’d like than to watch shit on telly and eat pizza in the warm, rather than dragging myself to the gym and running my ass off for 45 minutes. But DO IT. It’s win-win. Honestly, you feel so much better, and you get a better ass.

8 cheap date night ideas

Money isn’t always flowing, especially when you’ve got a big holiday you’re saving up for. Sorry, have you heard? We’re going to Thailand. Here are a few cheap date night ideas to ensure your relationship stays fun and exciting.

Cook together
It’s actually a whole lot of fun mooching to the supermarket to pick out ingredients together and then work as a team to make dinner. You can make something pretty decent for less than £10. We make a pretty good team, Will and I – bacon cheeseburgers have been mastered.

Watch a film
Standard. But perhaps go out of your comfort zone a bit, choose something together that neither of you would choose usually. If it’s good, discuss it. If it’s shit, turn It off and laugh about it.

Walk together
We’re not great at this – as Londoners we need somewhere to be going. A to B – not meandering around until we come back to A sometime in the undetermined future. So, usually we are usually walking to a pub, rather than getting a bus. It’s really companiable, you can hold hands, and science shows that being side by side (as opposed to face to face) is easier when you need to tell someone something (something to do with lack of confrontation). So if you either want to tell them you love them or that you absolutely hate their t-shirt, now’s the time.

Visit a museum
We are soooooo spoiled for choice in London! We recently went to the Imperial War Museum. It was such a nice way to spend a day and it was totally free (bar a donation). There’s the Science Museum, the V&A…so many to choose from. DO IT.

People-watching
This doesn’t have to be deep and meaningful. Grab a coffee or a glass of wine and sit on Southbank and watch people as they pass by. Obviously keep your voice down, you mustn’t hurt anyone’s feelings – but having a giggle over a toupee in secret is hilarious.

Have them teach you something
Whether it’s a recipe, a song, or even how to play Fifa, having them teach you something is rewarding on both sides. It doesn’t have to be anything technical. For example, I now know how aggregates and the leagues work in football, and Will knows how and why we colour-correct. Bangin’.

Join friends
Inviting another couple for tea or going for a few drinks is a great idea for changing things up on a date night. Go to a pub that has pool or darts and take it in turns to pay for games. Girls vs boys or couple vs couple? Intense.

Shag
Well. Obviously. Sorry mum.

Have you got any other ideas for great date nights? Let me know.

The worst manager I ever had

screen-shot-2016-12-07-at-23-24-26I met up with a friend recently, who I’ve known for several years. I love her to bits, we’ve been friends through thick and thin. We also shared the same manager. Now, this ain’t a hate post. I’m not trying to roast this guy, but maybe it’ll make some current, or future managers have a little think – and say – “HEY! I don’t wanna be THAT guy”. Because seriously please, don’t be.

I’m not going into details of where and when because I’m open as shit but I’m not wanting to literally kill this guy dead.

Sexual harassment
Simple as fuck. When a girl is bending down, don’t say “while you’re down there…”. Uh-uh. It basically made me throw up as this guy is so gross anyway.

Bullying
Oh, we can have a fuck up for the boys, but when it comes to my broken glasses that happened once in a year, that comes out of my wages, yeah? The £50 you told me was fine to take is now not okay because you now think it’s fake – so £25 comes out of my wages too, yeah? You look at me when I talk with a poorly concealed sneer on your face – I can see. But it’s only a few of us that get this treatment. Is it because we’re all moving on and this is a stop-gap before we move into our chosen careers? Not ashamed to say you did make me cry, you did make me anxious and scared to come to work – whatever, I’m good. Cliche, made me the person I am.

Embarrassment
Putting your own staff down in front of customers, and/or other staff is super fun, huh? Bet that made you feel super important, Boss.

Rudeness
I’d finish my shift, tell him so and ask if it was okay to leave. Nothing. Absolutely blanked. “XX”, I’d say, “can I go?”.

He’d drag his eyes from the sports program or whatever he was watching, roll his eyes and act like it was the worst thing ever, although it was late as fuck and there was nothing left to do.

Man, give people the time of day.

Seriously…
This guy was one of the WORST people I have EVER met, and in my job role, I meet a lot of god damn people. I used to feel so, so shit about myself coming and going from that job. I look back now and feel nauseous. How dare he make me feel this way? Yeah okay, I was young as shit and naive but man, the only thing I can think is that the man in question (just going off looks and nature) is that perhaps he was bullied in the past, and rather than taking a stand and being an awesome person because of it (like me, oh HEYYYY), he went the other way and became the bully himself. What a shame, that’s sad. But maybe not – maybe he’s just one of those A-grade assholes who do it for the fun of it!

Don’t forget, a boss is supposed to be a leader. Not some kind of dictator.

What was the worst manager you ever had like?

Disclaimer: I said in a previous post that jobs in the hospitality industry can be immensely rewarding. This is something I have experienced myself. If you choose hospitality as your chosen career – go for it. Please just don’t be like this dick.

Christmas Lust List 2016

Christmas is coming SOON and it’s time for me to scour the internet for the things I’d ask Santa for, if I was a massive spoilt cow.

It’s so fun making these…not so fun when I add up the total though. Oh well, girl can dream.

You can look at last year’s list here. It hasn’t changed much. Old habits die hard. I also did one for the man in yo’ life here.

Happy Christmas!

collage-2016-11-17

 

Items L-R:

OPI in Breakfast at Tiffany’s – approx £8.50
The Life Changing Magic of Not Giving a F**k – £12.99
Real Techniques Artistry – £79.99
MOTO Black Jamie jeans – £40.00
Sleek MakeUP Highlighter Palette Precious Metals – £9.99
Black Platform over-the-knee boots – £75.00
Gin and Tonic lip balm – £6.00
Calvin Klein Euphoria for Her – £37.00
Barbour Flyweight Calvary Quilted Jacket – £129.00

Total: £398.47